Someone Call the WAHHHHAMBULENCE

My wus gland is seriously swollen. I may need a wusectomy...

I do not like being pregnant. I know I am only 24 weeks in or so and that really is only a little over half way there, but I'm done. I am paranoid about having preterm labor so I do the bare minimum. Bare minimum. My house looks like crap, Ella is throwing a DOOZIE of a fit right now because she does not want to eat her dinner that I especially made for her (even though it's only Sponge Bob Mac and Cheese) and my sciatic nerve is driving me nuts. I have never had sciatic nerve pain before in either of my other pregnancies and IT SUCKS! Every freakin' step I take I have shooting pain down my left butt cheek and leg. Good times. The last thing I want is a premature baby so down I will stay I guess. Not to mention that I have a part-part time job now and it doesn't really get the attention that I would like to give it. Its not hard by any stretch of the imagination but I would like to do more. Thank heaven for SJ. She just might get me through it. I wouldn't even be doing it in the first place if we weren't so stinking poor right now. How is it that at this phase in our life we are actually worse off than we were when we first got married? This seriously just boggles my mind. Did we get dumber? We make less than we ever have (barring the first few years of marriage), have two kids, I am pregnant - so that means just about useless in my book, we are in debt up the ying yang, have a mortgage, car payments, property taxes, health and life insurance, kids that want to play sports and take dance classes, and we need to sell my beloved Subaru. I could keep going. Sad, but true. I seriously hope the people who see me and think I have this magical, do as I please life, read this post and see what a mess it really is. Not everything is what is seems and just because it looks good from a distance doesn't mean it's going to look good up close. Come on over, I'll make you feel good about your housekeeping, organization, patience, and a lot of other things you may think you are not good at. I will make you feel better. Trust me.
I realize of course that I DO have it really good. I know that. I am aware. Sometimes too much aware and it makes me feel even worse and guilty for complaining the way I do. Am I not allowed to want more? Good grief yes I am allowed, thank you very much. I am grateful for my two beautiful girls who can make me laugh, cry and feel crazy all in the same moment. What would my purpose be without them? I'm pretty sure I would have no purpose. I married the most patient man in the world-hands down. He loves me crazy or sane, happy or mad, and sometimes I don't know why. What would I do and be without him? Not much I think. I have totally great, awesome, supportive parents who help me more than I probably deserve. I am allegedly an adult. Yah, tell THEM that. I have a great house, great neighbors, great friends and I am not in any mortal danger to speak of. My Crohn's Disease has been smooth sailing for the last three years and that includes not having to take any medication for it. So what is the problem? I have everything I could ever want or need. So what is the problem?
I realize that in the broad scope of things, it really could be worse. My Dad told me that I really do have a pretty good life. He's right. Of course he's right! Hopefully after I have this baby I won't be so darn hormonal and can go back to just my "regular self". I think I remember her. She wasn't so stressed out as "pregnant self" and was way more fun to hang around. Loads more fun. I am looking forward to seeing her back in January sometime. Can't wait!