I Want To Be.....

I read, in a matter of hours, almost all of Stephanie Nielson's blog

I would recommend it to anyone.

I had heard of her from a friend last year but just recently decided to check out her blog. Wow. What a woman and what an amazing family. I think I could only dream of, A-Being that cool to begin with and, B-Having the kind of courage that she has.

Again, wow.

After reading back a few years to some of her earlier posts, I read things I had read and heard before but didn't really strike a nerve or hit home until now.

  I was reminded.

Reminded that I have a job that sometimes I take a little too lightly.

I am a Mother!

A Mother for crying out loud of three fantastical, beautiful and exuberant daughters. How has Heavenly Father entrusted me with these precious spirits? He really must have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself sometimes. I really gotta work on that whole faith thing.

I forgot about this talk.

And when I heard Sister Beck give it last year I didn't really give it much thought at the time.

I have given it more thought now. More, better, faster. Those are the things I think about. Doesn't really matter what it is it seems like, just more activities, play dates, TV, getting it done sooner, cleaning, laundry, work,  ect...

In part:

Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power.

But I really want to do it all.

I want to be it all, not just for myself but for everyone else around me.

But I can't. So I won't.

And that is OK.

I really need to follow the adage that less is more and remember that my kids don't "need" more of anything. They just need more of me.

So I want to be a mother who knows, a mother who listens especially. I suck at

really listening to my kids. I want to be a mom who plays with her kids. They are not kids for long after all. They grow so fast it makes my head spin.

I need to gather them in while I can and love them.

 The time will come when they won't really prefer my company and I'm sure I will be full of regret then.

I hate regret.

I kept on reading Stephanies blog.

And then I was reminded again.

Double whammy for me I guess.

In M. Russell Ballards talk, Daughters of God , he says:

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Ouch.

That one stings.

A lot.

If I didn't know any better I would say that she was describing me!

I am always in a hurry to get on to the next thing and

it is always at my childrens (and husbands!) expense. I will not be a basket head

mother any longer!

I am going to try harder.

I have to. I have often thought that if I didn't have my kids how drab

my life would be. Pointless even. But, thankfully, I do have them.

So I will cherish them.

Besides, I don't think we are doing that bad of a job. There is always room for improvement of course.

Case in point: Yesterday we raked leaves together as a family. Ella was so engrossed in her raking that she knocked her head on a tree branch and began to cry. Tyler and I watched as Kate came over,  put her arm around her and comforted her and got Ella to stop crying. 

My heart nearly melted.

THAT is what a big sister is supposed to do.

I was so proud.